SGO

So, a few things.

1. It is supposed to snow here again tomorrow; 8-12 inches. Excuse me, WTF? It is mid-April, and it was in the low 70's the first 3 days of the week. Now, granted, Eeyore does look cute as pie in his little boots that are not even close to being snow boots but are good enough to totter around in for one's first experience in this world of "nooooooo!" (snow), but it's practically summer, for Christ's sake.















2. I've been doped up for a week now, and although I've read you're not supposed to really be able to tell for 2 or 3 weeks, my impression is that the happy candy is working. I don't exactly feel like myself anymore, as I have not gotten truly mad or even particularly irritated ONE TIME all week. Even in traffic, which is probably a first for me. I mean, I am the queen of giving the finger when I should not, and spewing a long list of the foulest profanities at someone who dares to drive the speed limit in front of me.













This is not actually me on the user-friendly Lexapro, but rather me ... drunk. It's a while ago; who can afford to get drunk when she'll have to get up and feed a baby in the night? But you get the idea.

3. I joined Weight Watchers today. Not my idea of a good time, but it was time to be proactive. I've been working out and eating pretty well, but I haven't lost a pound in 5 weeks. I'm not sure how that can be, but apparently it's not uncommon for oldsters like me who have their second baby. I look like I am sporting a terribly unattractive beer gut. I will spare you any representative photo of THAT.

Expect a cheerier me.

I had my 6 week post partum check up today, and it won't likely come as much of a surprise that tonight I join the legion of medicated Americans as I pop my first 5 mg of Lexapro. It turns out new mothers don't necessarily need to feel as overwhelmed and irritable, as concerned that I will never truly enjoy my life again, as I do. There just might be way for me to actually enjoy my life right now, as it is.

I've long been interested in taking an antidepressant, but I've fought it because of worries about side effects, or just a thought that the part of my personality that makes me "me" might disappear - leaving me interchangeable with any wash-and-go soccer mom in Kansas who wears high waisted jeans (and not because she saw them in Vogue) and button-down shirts. The time has come, though, to take the risk and give it a try. The possibility that a happy, relaxed me could be around the corner is too enticing, and I'm tired of thinking that the best years of my life are behind me or at best unavailable to me again for at least the next 4 or 5 years.

As for side effects, I am definitely a little worried about the sex thing - I can't really afford a loss of libido when it's hard enough to create an environment conducive to grown-up activity in a tiny house full of little boys, toys, laundry, and increasingly, dirt. What I'm telling myself, though, is that if anything, this could have a positive effect on my love life: a happier and more relaxed Kate is a Kate that will be more willing to spend time on the fun stuff when I find myself with an unexpected 15 minutes than to try to finish folding all the baby clothes still sitting on the dining room table 24 hours after removal from the dryer. My doctor even affirmed it had that effect on her when she had to go on it after her second child, so there you have it!

I took my first pill half an hour ago; I'll be interested to see if I have any of the unpleasant effects my doctor told me to look for (lightheadedness, nausea).

Six weeks.

Alex is six weeks old today, and I am about 400 (give or take). This shit is aging me at a rapid clip. It is incessant. If one of them is napping, the other one is eating (Alex)/screaming (Ian)/pulling my hair (Ian)/twisting the baby's leg (Ian)/grinning while committing some previously unpracticed violence (Ian). Yes, I have a textbook toddler who despises his adorable little brother and takes every opportunity to show it. I guess it's fairly classic; any attention is better than no attention. Although we still shower him with love and affection and the 3000th reading of Goodnight Moon, the interloper takes his share as well and that is apparently unacceptable. I don't know what I would do if Alex wasn't the sweet little guy that he is - two babies on overdrive would send me to an early grave.

But there's lots of good news, too:

1. I am still fat.

2. My company is in the news as rumored to be looking to sell the business unit I support.

3. No vacations planned until June 2010.

I really should have done this at 25 and gotten it over with.